TED英語演講：我們給孩子的性教育中缺了什麼

作為家長，教孩子性知識是我們的責任。但是除去那些帶著生物學以及生殖方面的“談話 1.0”，我們還可以說在很多情景下的個人經驗以及人體感受。優秀的女性製片人、作家、記者同時也是兩個女孩的母親的蘇·約翰遜(Sue Jaye Johnson)分享了自己對於性教育的看法。下面是小編為大家收集關於TED英語演講：我們給孩子的性教育中缺了什麼，歡迎借鑑參考。

中英對照演講稿

I remember my aunt brushing my hair when I was a child. I felt this tingling in my stomach, this swelling in my belly. All her attention on me, just me. My beautiful Aunt Bea, stroking my hair with a fine-bristled brush. Do you have a memory like that that you can feel in your body right now?

我還記得小時候，阿姨給我梳頭髮的情景。我感到肚子有些麻痛，胃有點漲。她所有的注意力都在我身上，只在我身上。我那漂亮的Bea阿姨，正在用一把上好的梳子幫我梳頭。你們有過這樣的回憶嗎?現在還能夠感覺到的。

Before language, we're all sensation. As children, that's how we learn to differentiate ourselves in the world --through touch. Everything goes in the mouth, the hands, on the skin. Sensation-- it is the way that we first experience love. It's the basis of human connection.

在學習語言之前，我們都是靠感覺的。作為孩子，那就是我們學習的途徑通過觸控來區分自己和世界。通過嘴巴，雙手和肌膚來接觸一切。感覺是我們首次體驗愛的方式。這也是人類連線的基礎。

We want our children to grow up to have healthy intimate relationships. So as parents, one of the things that we do is we teach our children about sex. We have books to help us, we have sex ed at school for the basics. There's porn to fill in the gaps -- and it will fill in the gaps.

我們想讓孩子們長大後能擁有健康親密的關係。所以為人父母，其中一件事情就是教孩子性知識。我們有書本來幫助我們，我們有學校裡面的性教育基礎課，還有小黃片來查漏補缺。它確實可以查漏補缺。

We teach our children "the talk" about biology and mechanics, about pregnancy and safe sex, and that's what our kids grow up thinking that sex is pretty much all about. But we can do better than that.

我們跟孩子說教生物機制的知識，懷孕與安全性行為的知識，這就是孩子們長大後會把性聯絡在一起的東西。但我們可以做得更好。

We can teach our sons and daughters about pleasure and desire, about consent and boundaries, about what it feels like to be present in their body and to know when they're not. And we do that in the ways that we model touch, play, make eye contact -- all the ways that we engage their senses. We can teach our children not just about sex, but about sensuality.

我們可以教會兒女們什麼是歡愉和慾望，什麼是同意和界限，以及身體的感受，並分清是與否。我們可以通過模擬觸碰，玩耍，做眼神交流，等等所有可以調動他們感覺的方式來教育他們。我們不僅能教孩子們性，還能教他們感受。

This is the kind of talk that I needed as a girl. I was extremely sensitive, but by the time I was an adolescent, I had numbed out. The shame of boys mocking my changing body and then girls exiling me for, ironically, my interest in boys, it was so much. I didn't have any language for what I was experiencing;

我還是小女孩時就很需要這種對話。我當時極度敏感，但當我步入青春期時，我已經變得遲鈍了。男孩們嘲笑身體變化帶來的羞恥感，女孩們也孤立我，諷刺的是，我對於男生的興趣是如此強烈。我甚至找不出言語來形容當時的體驗。

I didn't know it was going to pass. So I did the best thing I could at the time and I checked out. And you can't isolate just the difficult feelings, so I lost access to the joy, the pleasure, the play, and I spent decades like that, with this his low-grade depression, thinking that this is what it meant to be a grown-up.

我不知道這一階段會經歷過去。所以我做了當時能做到的最好的事，我退縮走開。但你無法隔離那艱難的感受，所以我失去了那個年紀的愉悅，開心，玩耍的機會。我十多年的時間就這樣子度過，與這種抑鬱低落的心情作伴。

For the past year, I've been interviewing men and women about their relationship to sex and I've heard my story again and again. Girls who were told they were too sensitive, too much. Boys who were taught to man up -- "don't be so emotional." I learned I was not alone in checking out. It was my daughter who reminded me of how much I used to feel.

以為這就是成長需要經歷的東西。在過去一年裡，我曾採訪過一些男性和女性關於他們和性的關係，然後也不止一次聽到了和自己類似的故事。女孩子被說教稱她們過於敏感，男孩則被教導需要有男子氣概，“不要這麼情緒化。”於是我知道並不只我一個人退縮離開。是我女兒提醒了我過去的感受。

We were at the beach. It was this rare day. I turned off my cell phone, put in the calendar, "Day at the beach with the girls." I laid our towels down just out of reach of the surf and fell asleep. And when I woke up, I saw my daughter drizzling sand on her arm like this, and I could feel that light tickle of sand on her skin and I remembered my aunt brushing my hair.

我們當時躺在沙灘上，那是一個難得的天氣，我關掉了我的手機，在日曆本上寫下“和女兒在沙灘的日子”。在海水漫延不到的地方，我躺在我們的毛巾上，然後沉睡了下去。當我起來的時候，我看見女兒把沙子灑在她的胳膊上，就像這樣。我可以感到癢癢的沙子摩擦面板的感覺，然後我又回想起阿姨輕梳我頭髮的情景。

So I curled up next to her and I drizzled sand on her other arm and then her legs. And then I said, "Hey, you want me to bury you?" And her eyes got really big and she was like, "Yeah!" So we dug a hole and I covered her in sand and shells and drew this little mermaid tail. And then I took her home and lathered her up in the shower and massaged her scalp and I dried her off in a towel.

所以我在她身邊蜷縮著，把沙子灑在她另一條胳膊上，再之後腿上。然後我說“嘿，你想要我用沙子埋了你嗎?”她的眼睛瞬間睜得很大，然後興奮地說“好啊!”所以我們挖了一個大洞，然後我用沙子和貝殼把她埋住，然後畫了條小美人魚尾巴。之後我帶著她回家，在洗澡時給她全身打滿泡泡，按摩她的頭髮，然後用毛巾把她擦乾。

And I thought, "Ah. How many times had I done that --bathed her and dried her off -- but had I ever stopped and paid attention to the sensations that I was creating for her?" I'd been treating her like she was on some assembly line of children needing to be fed and put to bed.

然後我想：“啊，我做這件事多少次了“幫她揉泡泡，然後把她擦乾。但我有停下來觀察她對我做的這些事情的感覺嗎?“一直以來，我對待她就像她在流水線上一樣，就如同孩子被餵飽之後再被帶到床上。

And I realized that when I dry my daughter off in a towel tenderly the way a lover would, I'm teaching her to expect that kind of touch. I'm teaching her in that moment about intimacy. About how to love her body and respect her body. I realized there are parts of the talk that can't be conveyed in words.

然後我意識到當我用毛巾以一種愛人的溫柔擦乾她身體時，實際上我當時正在教導她對這種溫柔的觸控抱以期待。我在教導她一種親暱行為。以及怎樣愛護她的身體並尊重她的身體。我意識到這是一場無法用言語來交流的談話。

In her book, "Girls and Sex," writer Peggy Orenstein finds that young women are focusing on their partner's pleasure, not their own. This is something I'm going to talk about with my girls when they're older, but for now, I look for ways to help them identify what gives them pleasure and to practice articulating that.

在一本名為“女孩和性愛”的書中，作者PeggyOrenstein發現，年輕的女孩子更注重她們伴侶的歡愉，而不是她們自己的。這就是我要與我的女兒，當她們長大後，所要討論的。但是目前，我在尋找讓她們識別能夠帶來歡愉的方法，並練習如何表達愉悅。

"Rub my back," my daughter says when I tuck her in. And I say, "OK, how do you want me to rub your back?" "I don't know," she says. So I pause, waiting for her directions. Finally she says, "OK, up and to the right, like you're tickling me." I run my fingertips up her spine. "What else?" I ask. "Over to the left, a little harder now."

“擦我後背。”在我用毛巾包裹住女兒時，她說然後我說“好的，你希望我怎樣擦你後背呢?”“我不知道，”她說。所以我停了下來，等待著她指示。最後她說“好吧，向上然後到右邊就像你撓我癢癢一樣。”然後我的手指就向上滑動到她的脊柱。“還要別的嗎?”我問，“再左邊，稍微用力一點。”

We need to teach our children how to articulate their sensations so they're familiar with them. I look for ways to play games with my girls at home to do this. I scratch my fingernails on my daughter's arm and say, "Give me one word to describe this."

我們需要教會孩子們怎樣準確表達他們的感受，這樣他們才可以更熟悉自己。我尋找和女兒們通過在家裡玩遊戲來達到這個目的的方法。我用指甲颳著女兒的胳膊然後說：“給個詞語來形容下這個。”

"Violent," she says. I embrace her, hold her tight. "Protected," she tells me. I find opportunities to tell them how I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing, so we have common language. Like right now, this tingling in my scalp down my spine means I'm nervous and I'm excited.

“粗暴”她說。之後我擁抱了她，緊緊地抱住她。“受保護，”她說。我找到了機會告訴她們我的感受，我的經歷是什麼，所以我們有了共同語言。就像現在這樣，像這樣頭皮發麻，脊背發涼意味著我很不安，很激動。

You are likely experiencing sensations in response to me. The language I'm using, the ideas I'm sharing. And our tendency is to judge these reactions and sort them into a hierarchy: better or worse, and then seek or avoid them. And that's because we live in this binary culture and we're taught from a very young age to sort the world into good and bad.

你們可能因為我的描述而有了一種感官感受。我正在使用的語言，我正在分享的想法。我們趨向於評判這些反應，然後把它們劃分階級：好的還是壞的。然後尋找解決辦法或者避免它。因為我們居住在這個二元社會我們很小的時候就被教導把世界分成好的和壞的一面。

"Did you like that book?" "Did you have a good day?" How about, "What did you notice about that story?" "Tell me a moment about your day. What did you learn?" Let's teach our children to stay open and curious about their experiences, like a traveler in a foreign land. And that way they can stay with sensation without checking out -- even the heightened and challenging ones -- the way I did, the way so many of us have.

“你喜歡那本書嗎?”“你今天過得好嗎?”為什麼不換成，“書上什麼吸引了你?”“說說今天有啥精彩的。““你學到了什麼?”讓我們教會孩子對於他們的經歷保持開放和好奇的態度，就像一個到陌生島嶼的旅行者。這樣他們就可以與感受相處，而不是想要逃避。即便在最具有挑戰的環境中。而非像我以及我們很多人那樣去逃避。

This sense education, this is education I want for my daughters. Sense education is what I needed as girl. It's what I hope for all of our children. This awareness of sensation, it's where we began as children. It's what we can learn from our children and it's what we can in turn remind our children as they come of age.

這種感覺的教育，是我想要為我女兒們帶來的教育，也是我在作為一個女孩時需要得到的教育，是我希望普及給所有孩子的教育。這種感覺意識，是我們作為兒童的開始，是我們可以從孩子身上學到的東西，也是我們可以反過來在孩子們逐漸長大時提醒他們的東西。

Thank you.(Applause)

謝謝大家(掌聲)